Extra hugs tonight

Reading about school shooting wrenches my heart every time.  I don't know if it's because I am part of the Columbine generation, but it shakes me to the core every time.  I am taken back to my junior year of high school, where we were profiled in Time as the next likely school for a tragedy.  We had the SWAT team on our roof and various bomb threats.  We had police walking our hallways as we collectively held our breaths, and we were blessed with no serious issues.  When I taught at  Jacobs we found out after the fact that a violence threat was found within the school.  It was scary to find out months afterwards that nothing had been shared with even the faculty, but again we were blessed that nothing came of it.

I am blessed every day that I get to spend so much time with my kids.  Even as the fight and argue, when Carolyn turns the mixer on and sprays flour all over, and as they struggle to sleep at night, we're lucky to have them.  It's going to take me days to get over this tragedy in CT, despite not knowing a soul there.  I scooped up both kids and gave them extra hugs today.  It was hard to leave to go tutor this afternoon, with sad thoughts lingering in the back of my head.  What is a parent to do these todays to protect the most vulnerable?  Kindergartners should be immune to violence, we shouldn't find a roomful that has been murdered.

Days like today make me add another item to the list of why to homeschool.  It eliminates a place where my kids could suffer loss without me at their side.  But I don't make decisions out of fear and I never have.  So it's not really high on my list of reasons as I've written about those before.  For the next few days though I'll be checking locks twice, giving lots of extra hugs, and being sure to tell the kids I love them a few more times a day.  Life can be so short and tragic.  We'll never understand the whys of such tragedies, but I will continue to pray that something will be done to stop something like this from happening again.

Christmas is coming!

I continue to not do a good job posting here.  But life continues to be a bit crazy with Christmas coming fast and work continuing full steam ahead.  I am now up to 6 in-person tutoring clients as I have trouble saying no.  But I'm thinking that a few of them will drop off after this semester ends, and 2-3 of them aren't every week.  Tutor.com continues full boar as I have 9 mentors and over 75 tutors, so I am responsible for over 325 tutors overall!  I billed over $1k to them for November's work, which is nice but also means I'm working a lot.  I also spent countless hours with At&t getting our internet sorted out over the past 3 weeks.  But I can now say that it all seems fixed and they didn't charge us for any of it, including an upgraded wireless router.

I am being sure to spend time focusing on the kids and our family as much as possible.  We are spending nights in front of the fire, often reading various versions of the Christmas story.  Inspired by this I did get the kids a new nativity set that they can play with.  I want them to be sure to understand the true reason for the season and Carolyn is definitely getting it.  We started our baking last week as well, with chocolate chip and candy cane.  Saturday was the annual cookie baking with my in-laws, while Jon and I went shopping.  We happened to get James his twin bed and he loves it.  We already took down the crib!  Tuesday we made toffee, which will be replaced by something else in future years.  Today we went downtown and enjoyed lunch by the tree at Macy's in the Walnut Room.  What an amazing experience for the kids each year.

I feel like the kids are really being impacted by the onslaught of wheat and I noticed an increase in pain in joints.  So I ordered flour to make a gluten free mix and will be using that in any recipes that don't require rising dough.  We're starting tomorrow with oatmeal cookies, wish us luck!  I'm hoping that Jon won't notice the difference and plan to eliminate all wheat from our home beginning in January.  So I will begin figuring out how to make some breads that actually can hold sandwhiches!

I'm looking forward to the next few weeks and we finish the lead up to Christmas.  I have many ideas of things to do with the kids and I plan to enjoy just being together as a family.  It is wonderful to finally feel like we have all we need financially because we have been very blessed by God. 

All Settled!

It's been quite some time since I posted, because life has been crazy!  We've now been in our new house for 11 days and I'm feeling like we're finally settled.  The only boxes that remain are memory boxes high in the closets and Christmas tree ornaments waiting to be put on the tree tomorrow.  The rest of our decorations are up, including Jon's dream of icicle lights along the roof.  I never knew he was hoping to do that, but I really like the look too.  They're on a timer too, so no worrying about remembering to turn them off.  I put together the paper chain and lifesaver santa today as well.  I am looking forward to starting a new tradition with the kids this year - 12 days of baking.  I put together a list of 12 different desserts that the kids will help me to bake from now until Christmas.  We'll start out slow with Tues/Thurs this week, but do more as the weeks go on.  They love to help baking and with our new counters this should work out great. 

I've been really behind with Carolyn's school work lately, there just hasn't been time.  I focused this week on getting her signed up at a new gym and for swim lessons.  And we continue to read books.  I am struggling though with how to work with her at this point.  I am cutting back on work, which does give me much more time to both plan activities and complete them.  We're also now minutes from The Grove and the Kohl Children's Museum.  Jon's mom graciously bought the kids a membership to the museum for Christmas that started today, so I'm thinking we'll head over there one day this week.  I think the Grove will be good for winter days when we want to head over to look at the animals as well, and perhaps we can spend more time reading the information about each animal, writing down the names to get books at the library about them.  Carolyn is really into workbooks, so I am considering looking into getting her some that are appropriate for her age.  Time is a major factor and I'm not sure how to handle James while she's working either.  I've tried sitting her at a table to ask for help while working and sitting with James nearby reading or playing.  But she wants individual attention while doing the work.  And she still needs to nap.  I enjoy my time with her in the evenings reading chapter books, so I don't want to infringe on that.  I'm thinking I need to find activities for James to do that are age appropriate while Carolyn is working as well.  If we do just 30 minutes a day I think all will feel well stimulated and we could get through a lot.  But I'm just not sure what to do.  Any ideas on how to create activities that challenge both a 2.5 and 4.5 year old at the same are appreciated.  I'm thinking maybe something with color/shape recognition for James but creating patterns, counting, and spelling for Carolyn?  I'll spend the next few weeks brainstorming as I don't see starting anything until the new year anyway.  But all suggestions from anyone reading are welcomed.

I'm also setting a new goal in my weight loss journey.  With the new house and moving the scale, I've decided to start over.  So my starting weight last week was 175lbs.  I would like to lose another 10% of my weight by the time we head on vacation in June.  That gives me about 6 months, so just over 0.5lb/week to get there which is doable.  Considering I was down to 173 this week, it's a good sign.  I think at that point I'll be happier with the prospect of wearing a swim suit.  So I'm going to try not to eat too many of the goodies we're about to bake.  And we'll get the weight bench put back together soon.  Here's hoping for more success!

We have been extremely blessed by God and I find myself reflecting on this frequently.  Jon has a track position for this Spring that should also be a foot in the door for next Fall.  We are looking forward to the opportunity to share our financial blessings with others as we start to incorporate monthly giving into our budget.  Once we've built our emergency fund back up we're hoping to give more to church and pick a different charity each month to give $25 or so to.  We don't have a ton extra now as we work to pay down various loans, but I believe part of our blessings has been our stewardship with what God has giving us so far.  We're ready for the blessings to continue to be poured out and I'm excited to give back to some of the places that helped us along the way - like both of our undergraduate colleges.  Jesus is the reason for the season and this year it's very easy to remember that every day!

Wonderful Kids - Trouble with Moving

Considering everything going on in life, I have 2 amazing kids.  Life has been quite crazy as the bank plays games with our mortgage and we start to pack the house.  Carolyn mostly gets it and can verbalize her feelings.  But James, one who has always clung to me, is really struggling.  After having a fever on Sunday and waking up to me gone from his nap.  And then watching me pack up various things around the house, he lost it this morning over bandaids.  He got some out and I put them back because he didn't have a cut.  He got mad and bit me.  I picked him up and him in his crib.  Then for about 10 minutes we did a bit of a dance - I put him in his crib, walked out and closed his door, and stood in the bathroom doorway.  He climbed out of his crib, came out of his room, and tried to hit, kick, pinch, and bite me.  I tolerated the hit and kicking, staying as calm as possible.  When he tried to bite I scooped him up and we started over.  After 5-6 trips he was half-heartedly trying to hit me and I said "What do you need bud?"  To which he put both arms up and asked me to pick him up.  So I scooped him up and went and snuggled on our bed with him.  I talked to him about moving, telling him again that we're all going with and so are all of his things.  He asked some questions and seemed to get it a little more.  I'm glad I can be with him a lot to try and offer some comfort.  What broke my heart a little is he told me I've been working too much.  But things will all settle down in less than a week.  I'm hoping that with packing some things into the trunk will help him a little more.  I'm going to let the kids choose what to take with for the first trip.

I should get to bed at a decent time tonight because life is about to get very hectic until next Wednesday!

We have a Reader!

Yep, that's right, Carolyn read her first book today.  And she actually read the words!  Last week I wrote about her being interested in Reading Eggs.  Well, she continues to enjoy this website and has completed levels 11-30 in the past week!  Only 10 pre-reading levels left and she might just get through those in the next 3-4 days, depending on how much time we allow her to play.  I don't think I'll be purchasing a subscription since she got through so much and I don't like her sitting in front of the computer all the time.  But it really is a great program and she truly enjoys it.  She's learning so many sight words from the program that today she read one of her Tag books.  We were just hanging out and she picked up her book and started reading it.  I helped her by pointing to the words and helped with 1 or 2.  But she sounded words out and read the whole story.  We definitely celebrated and she read the book to Jon when he got home.  James is trying to get in on the action too and pretended to read me a book later in the day, too cute.  I'm excited to see her start branching out and trying to read more things now.  She's such a perfectionist that she shys away from sounding out words and prefers to just memorize them all.  But I have a feeling she's really going to take off now that she's had some success.

I feel like we always hear about how kids have no imagination these days and that they don't have enough free play.  Of course, we also hear about how families eat a lot of convenience foods.  And my jaw drops when I see statistics on the amount of television that kids supposedly watch.  My children watched 0 television this week M-F (football weekends).  And the weather is cold too, so we didn't spend a on of time outside.  What we did do, though, was use imaginations.  Carolyn and James have become awesome at entertaining themselves.  Early in the week while I was slicing onions and potatoes for our baked potato soup dinner, they pretended they were camping.  Carolyn has named her stuffed animals Mary, Laura and baby Carrie.  Anyone want to guess what chapter books we're reading right now?  We've never been camping, but it's awesome to see Carolyn taking books and acting them out.  Watching my kids play this past week I now understand why I don't know what toys to get rid of.  We didn't clean much up in the basement this week as they played.  Partially because I'm trying to see what we might weed out. And honestly, they played with nearly every toy down there!  They love to bake and play kitchen, we played Go Fish, Ants in the Pants, and Cooties.  We found old school Sesame Street figurines and I demanded cookies as Cookie Monster.  They pretend to workout with me, and spend time shooting baskets off the trampoline.  It's amazing the variety of play accomplished by 2 small people in a week's time.  But I get out of their way and participate as asked, because I realize their play is their job and important stuff is being worked out.  I'm looking forward to how dynamics will change once we're in the new house as well.

We had a scare with my grandfather this past week, but he appears to be out of the woods at this time.  He is home and the physical therapist has said she doesn't feel needed.  So I'm very glad that God has smiled down upon us once again and allowed us to keep this member of our family with us a little longer.  Carolyn is super excited about going to visit him next month.  Realizing it might be the last time I see him, I am looking forward to just being there and soaking in as much as possible.  Time with family is so precious, and we need to slow down just a bit to be sure we're spending as much time with each other as possible.

Time and balancing work and family has been a big struggle for me mentally lately.  I want to help provide for the family as much as I can.  With the move and large outlays of money, I feel like I should take on as many opportunities as possible.  But, alas, there are only so many hours in a day.  My hours with Tutor.com are expanding and I truly enjoy the work I do for the company.  I feel connected to my mentors and many of my tutors, and I have a boss that is great to work with.  I billed over $1k from the company last month!  K12 continues to be hit or miss, with expectations every changing.  I don't enjoy the work, but the paycheck is certainly nice.  I'm conflicted as to how long I should try to hold on to this position because I've never quit a job in such a short time frame.  I'm also slightly nervous about the move and how all the numbers will shake out, so I feel like I should hold on until we move.  I'm not looking forward to the prospect of having to take my computer with to Arizona to check-in on my classes while we're gone though.  Did I mention I'm not enjoying the hassling of kids to do their work, last minute meeting anouncements, and completely pointless "professional development"?  On top of these jobs is also my in-person tutoring.  I expect to retain 2 of my current clients as I move.  And gaining more could be easy if I so desire.  And so I struggle with deciding when enough is enough and when making money is interfering with enjoying my family.  I feel like if I can keep my contribution around $1k/month I should be happy.  After all, our mortgage is going down with the move.  We'd be comfortable at that level with plenty of extras.  And considering I'm at over $100 on my time sheets already this month, there's no doubt I'll make it there.  So I just have to make the tough decision of whether to cut and run now or wait until after the move.  I've trusted God so far, I just want to be sure I'm reading Him right as I do feel more and more at peace with leaving k12 behind.

Time to go spend some quality time with Jon before family pictures tomorrow!

Learning to Read!

Carolyn has just passed the 4.5 year mark and is taking off with reading.  I was looking online tonight at You Can Read, thinking about whether or not to print out some of the work pages.  I've been struggling a little with how to work with her on reading, since she's quite stubborn and has her own agenda generally.  She also is very shy about trying new things and often won't try to sound out any words.  We do a ton of reading to both children, so I know she's getting exposure that way.  But she came over wondering what I was looking at, so I decided to see if she'd be interested.  We started with going over the 4 sight words in the first lesson.  Then we paged through towards the end and she started reading!  The only prompting I gave her was pointing to the words on the screen, and she read the first sentence!   It was absolutely amazing and we spent a few minutes exchanging hi-fives all around.  She then asked to keep going, and we went through the words in the first 8 lessons.  Of the 32 words we looked at, I'd say she has at least 25 of them down already.  It was so cool to watch.

I then took a look at Reading Eggs.  There is a 14 day trial that I think we'll do for the next couple weeks.  But I think it's below Carolyn's level in that she has ALL her letter sounds already.  Her pefectionist learning style just doesn't seem to fit very well.  But since there's a free trial, we'll take a look and see how she likes it.  I'm just so excited that she really is learning how to read!  I would bet she'll be reading fairly easily by the time she starts kindergarten, just like I was.  So awesome to watch her develop.

While I was looking at the site with Carolyn, James was literally trying to push her out of the way saying "I read too!"  It was really cute, although we certainly don't appreciate the pushing.  He wants to be big so bad.  I honestly don't remember what he should be working on at his age though.  He'll be 2.5 in another month.  We've been working mostly on colors and he'll ask what letters are printed on shirts/sweatshirts that we're wearing.  I probably should start working on identifying letters with him (maybe?).  He's so interested in learning everything that Carolyn is.

I'm so glad that we chose to keep Carolyn home this year.  Not only will it make moving that much easier, but the bond these kids have formed is awesome.  Carolyn often helps translate James' words, which eliminates some of his frustration.  And they learn to take turns and sort things out between each other more than they would elsewhere.  This is a relationship that they will have for life as well.  I'm excited to get them into a community where their learning will be pushed so they can keep developing at this warpspeed.  I think that going to the children's museum in Glenview is going to be awesome once we're closer.

House is Sold!

Another crazy week here for us.  Spent the beginning of the week making phone calls and payments to various places to ensure we were ready to close on Wednesday.  Had to get the closing check on the way to closing.  The actual meeting only took about 45 minutes and went smoothly.  I have the new owners' phone number and we will arrange to transfer keys just before Thanksgiving.  Three weeks from tomorrow we will begin moving into the new house!  We are all very excited.

My 94yo grandfather had surgery this past week.  It was hoped to be minor, routine surgery to remove his gallbladder.  Unfortunately, the infection was much progressed.  He is stable now, but we are not sure how things will proceed.  As siblings we are keeping each other informed and I hope to hear good reports from my oldest brothers as the week progresses.  Our prayers are of course with my grandfather and all those caring for him at this time.

Stepping on the scale this morning, I wasn't quite sure what to expect.  I haven't been feeling well the last few days, but I have stuck with my workouts as planned.  I was quite pleasantly surprised to find a 2.5lb loss from last week.  This has pushed me over the 20lb mark and I am now down 21.6lbs from where I started!  While I still have some more weight to lose, this is a fantastic mark for me as I've always struggled to lose more than 5lbs in any one try.  So while this has taken longer than I would have hoped, it makes me very happy.  I put on sweatpants from last winter today and they are very baggy.  I have to roll the waist so they don't drag on the floor or sag in the butt.  The knees even fit a little strangely.  Definitely weird to see, but when I stop to think that I've lost over 20lbs and many inches, it makes sense.  I'm glad I kept all my old clothes as now I should start fitting into some of them.  I think part of the recent weight loss is that I am officially done nursing.  So my body is now accepting of losing the weight because it doesn't need to store it to feed any child.  It is possible that I will get into the 160's by Christmas, would be awesome.  If I can get down to 155 by next summer, I'll be ecstatic.  That's where I was at my lightest in college.  For now, I'll just keep focusing on filling my body with good protein, plenty of fat, and medium carbs.  Increasing the fat defiintely helps me stay full longer and, I think, is what encourages my body to shed the extra weight.