Still struggling

So with the 2 extra days of break, I got a taste of homeschooling last week.  And honestly, I totally loved it.  The kids were fully engaged and excited to be working on whatever I asked them to do.  We did an art project, played alphabet games, and end the morning with air hockey on day 1.  In the afternoon we read some books and then the kids gladly played together while dinner was made.  On day 2 we went to the library, where my kids picked book after book off the shelf and wanted to bring it home.  Since that day I have read no less than 5 books/day to James, often 10+.  Carolyn has averaged at least 1 chapter book per day and as usual soaked up the female biographies I got for her.  After a morning at the library, we spent time in the afternoon reading and then the kids again played together nicely until dinner.  It was like a miracle had happened in our home.

This Wednesday and Thursday, I worked with James to complete the preschool lessons I put together.  He loves reading the books, reciting the poem, and doing the art project.  He is struggling a bit with writing the letters, but we get through it.  I think I might decrease the number he needs to do so it doesn't feel tedious to him.  But he is loving doing his preschool at home.  We also have played several board games - his favorites are Mouse Trap and Candy Land.  With those his colors and numbers and being reinforced.

Carolyn continues to report that she's not doing much in school.  I ask her what she likes and her only answer is the teacher.  That has me terrified about what next year might bring.  They are spending the next week or so doing more assessment.  It's January, and they appear to be on their third round of assessing.  Isn't there an easier way than taking a week's time when there are only 20 kids in the classroom?  I know Carolyn is going to be bored and so part of my weekend will be spent putting together some academic activities for her at home to focus her mind.  But it really shouldn't be like this.

If I bring her home, I know not every day will be like the 2 above.  But I also wonder if there is no school, if the kids will finally let themselves relax.  We really battle with sleep in our house.  If there was no school, maybe we'd stop fighting that battle.  I think about letting the kids decide when to sleep and when to be awake for a week.  I wonder if they would get to know themselves a bit better and realize what we're doing is trying to help them.  The rule, of course, would be that they could not rely on us to entertain them in an effort to stay awake.  But I suspect that James is still too young for a similar experiment and he doesn't recognize when he's tired.  But I digress, I just can't get over this heart tug to keep the kids home.  I thought if I focused on other things that I would move on.  But even focusing on properly preparing food (I started making a sourdough starter and am soaking beans today), keeping the house a bit cleaner, and increasing my workload to try to save for the roof haven't stopped my mind from resting here.  I need to pray about this more, but I feel really stuck here and can't figure out what God is trying to say.  I feel like to make this decision peacefully I at least need Jon's full blessing.  Surely God wouldn't want me to make a decision not inline with my husband.  So where does that leave me?  For now, struggling in my heart about a decision that could make a huge impact for my children.

As a TEDx video I watched said... I want my children to be happy.  What they want to do when they get older is up to them.  I need to help them be happy and healthy.  I just wish I knew what the best path to that result is.