Parenting is Hard

This has been a bit of a different week.  We got our first real snowfall of the 2017, yay.  It is beautiful to look at while I am having my quiet time each morning.  And the kids are having a blast playing in the snow.  It helps that it's nice and warm.

Our front door is currently broken, so the kids have to ring the doorbell each day after school. Yesterday I went to answer it and one of our neighbors was with my kids.  Carolyn informed me he accidentally took the bus home and there was no one at his house.  I was a bit stunned and unsure what to do.  This boy is in second grade, it is March, and his first grade brother knew to stay at school.  I did not have a phone number to reach his parents.  Everyone came inside and I asked him if he had a phone number for either of his parents and he said no.  My kids worked on their after school routine as I tried to figure out what to do.  We've only been living here less than 3 months and we have interacted with this family only a few times.  After a little while I texted another number, who luckily had the mom's phone number.  I called only to get voice mail.  A few minutes later she called back and said she would be home in 30 minutes since she was at work.  Then she texted a few minutes later to say her husband would be home in 10 minutes.

While I sorted this out, I sent all the kids outside to play in the snow.  The boy did not have snowpants, so we dug out our extra pair we happen to have.  I sat down to fold some laundry, which happens to be just out of the line of sight of our swing set.  When I finished, I went to check on the kids and the neighbor was gone.  I asked my kids where he went, if he said what he was doing.  They boy said they didn't know and he hadn't said anything.  Then we saw the garage door open at his house and a car home.  But his backpack was still at our house and no one was anywhere to be found.  Carolyn and I took his stuff to him and the dad acted as if all of this was no big deal.  He informed me they have a key hidden in the backyard "in case something like this happens."  I informed him that his son did not know any phone numbers to call to get in touch with his parents.  He seemed surprised by this but not too concerned.  The mother later wrote of his going home, saying he's always been a bit of a wanderer.  Debriefing the whole situation last night I actually said to my husband "everyone does things their way, I'm glad we don't do it that way."

At floor hockey tonight I talked to a couple other moms with sons in the class.  One has a son in James' class and we're going to attempt a play date soon.  We all lamented how difficult it can be to stop siblings from fighting with each other.  They have a bit of a different experience with two boys that are 4 years apart compared with my kids.  Somewhere along the line I mentioned that we don't really watch tv other than sports and the one mom looked at my a bit stunned.  I talked a little about what I did when the kids were little and they seemed stressed just thinking about it.  But here's the thing, parenting is hard, and we all just choose what kind of hard we want to do.

I chose to have things really hard when the kids were little.  We stayed away from screens completely until Carolyn was about 3.  After that we slowly introduced some computer time and when sick we would let them watch some Curious George or other PBS shows.  I emphasized time at the park, we ran around in the basement, and we had lots of cuddle time to read books.  The kids cooked with me from a young age and I let them make messes with art supplies.  Most days were really exhausting, but I committed to limiting screen time because I knew in my gut it would pay off.  And honestly, I feel like we are already seeing the pay off.

In our house, we don't fight often about how much time the kids get playing Wii or PS4.  We don't often discuss what the kids would like to watch on tv.  There are no favorite shows because we just don't watch anything often enough.  Any behavior battles come from things seen at school or read about in books.  That seems to be much easier to combat.  Our kids are perfectly comfortable working a computer, chrome book, or iPad.  But they don't rely on these things to entertain them and that makes our house a happier place.  I got asked today how I get my kids to stay in their rooms until 7am on the weekends.  This was after I mentioned that they are in bed by 7:15pm most nights.  And honestly, I don't know why it works.  Perhaps because we started the rule from the time the kids were old enough to read their clocks.  Our kids need a lot of sleep, so we've always emphasized the importance of good rest.  I enjoy knowing that I'll get to stay in bed until 8 if we have nowhere to go.  I won't hear the tv blaring but I might hear a radio on after 7.  I might hear the kids playing together.  I might hear nothing because the kids have slept in or have chosen to stay in bed reading.  Or I might hear nothing because one or both kids are snuggled in with me to start the weekend off by relaxing.  That's just the way we've set things up.

Every house has to figure out what works best for them.  Once you figure out what works for you, try your best to be consistent.  Because, in the long run, that consistency is what your little one is craving.  Even when they resist, that resistance back from you is what they need.  Sure, some mornings I'm too tired to walk James back to his room so I let him come snuggled earlier, but then I usually get up later.  He knows that we value rest and he can count on us for snuggles when he needs to feel connected while resting.  Plus, I know he's growing up fast and these snuggle sessions will only last so much longer.  But I'll have shown him the importance of rest and hopefully, some day, that will help him to feel more peaceful.

For post 3 from my tough times blog, go here.

After School Routine

We all want to see our kids become independent.  We also want our kids to help around the house and we would like them to do it without complaining.  The best way for kids to learn a new skill is for them to do it.  So when we moved, I seized the opportunity to start a new after school routine.  I wanted it to be quick and to help with keeping the house in order.  I wanted to teach my kids that if they do a 5 minute chore each day, then there is no need for large scale clean up on the weekends.  Enter our "Am I Ready to Play? lists.

The most common question after the kids walk in the door and have a snack is "Can I go play?"  Instead of running through the list of things they need to do every day, I wrote the list out and put them up on the fridge.  Within these lists are the chores expected each day.  I divided up tasks somewhat based on abilities.  Since they're just printed off the computer, I can change them whenever I want.  But I've found much less complaining about helping around the house because it is just expected.  What was one of the worst parts of my day before we moved has become a time I look forward to.  Now I get to hear a little about the day and witness my children learning skills they will need as they grow older.

There is one caveat to all of this - the chores are not done the way I would do them.  In fact, we often find ourselves redoing the chores another day of the week because my children are 6 and 8.  This is a simple fact of them being young.  I only require them to redo a chore if I note a lack of effort.  Over time I have noticed that they are in fact getting better at each chore.  I figure after about 6 months we'll switch things up.  But for now, this is working really well.

The children arrive home just after 3pm and I find they are back out the door to play by 3:15/3:20, depending on how big of a snack the need to eat and whether there was any homework.  I am so glad we chose to do this!

And here's the link to the other blog I mentioned.  First post is up, going back to my first major battle 17 years ago.

"Me Time" made me stressed out

We hear constant feedback as mothers about we should be sure to schedule "me time."  We're bombarded with how important it is to take time to do what we enjoy.  I feel for this idea, hook, line and sinker.  Settled into a new home and new community, with both kids in school full time, I thought I should have plenty of time each day to get my work done, keep the house running, do some small projects, exercise, and have time to read or just zone out each day.

Each day I would wake up, make the kids breakfast, put together their lunches, and get them out to the bus.  Then I sat down to my quiet time with God.  I have a few different journals to pray for my immediate family, a book I'm reading about praying more effectively, and I read a chapter from the Bible each day.  After about 45 minutes I'm ready to tackle the rest of the day.  I would check in on work email, delete personal emails (you know, the 9000 advertisements we get every day lest we actually need the discount once or twice a year), check our bank statement, then choose a job to work on.  This is where I started to fall into the mental block.  I only "need" to work about 3 hours each day to meet my self-imposed earnings for the month.  But with 2 jobs, I have been working closer to 5-6 hours each day.  I was losing all the time I thought I was entitled to.

And that's just the thing, what time am I entitled to?  Where did this notion come from?  We have amazing technology to help make so much of what we do more efficient.  But what are we doing with that extra time?  I have an addictive personality and I know it.  I have often tried to disguise this as putting my everything into anything I try.  And that is quite often the case.  But if I happen to open a computer game, this can be the end of the day for me.  Yet I can't quite bring myself to delete the games.

So this week I am trying a new mindset.  I am limiting my time on facebook, keeping the games closed, and making productive choices with my time.  Monday I went grocery shopping and didn't get all of my work done before the kids came home.  I was able to finish up before 8pm though so had an hour in the evening for myself.  I chose to talk some with Jon and read a book.  Much better than zoning out to a computer game.  Tuesday I switched the order of my jobs, completing the tasks that require the most focus first.  This proved to work well and although I didn't finish working until 30 minutes after the kids came home, they didn't even seem to notice.  They have become pretty self-sufficient with getting themselves a snack and unpacking their backpacks.  I chose to go for a 2 mile walk in between jobs since I can really only do this while the kids are at school.  I still had some work to do last night, but was done before the USWNT game was over.  This included a 45 minute conversation with my sister in the afternoon.

Speaking of that conversation, she convinced me to start writing again.  I have an alternate blog I am starting to put together where I'm going to write about all the tough moments I have been through since graduating from high school.  My hope is that some of the writing will help others facing seemingly insurmountable situations see how things will be okay in the end.  While the kids were at floor hockey I did some writing on my laptop.  I did some more writing before bed last night.

Today I did some writing while waiting for pages to load.  This probably made my work take longer, but I was having trouble making my brain stop.  I still managed to finish all my required work by noon and started in on the application process for my Utah and Alabama teaching certificates.  How is it that after over an hour I feel like I accomplished next to nothing?  Hopefully I will have more time in the next week to get everything sorted out before the fingerprint cards arrive.  I am hoping to have this all in the mail by spring break so I don't have to worry about it anymore.  The kids had an early release today, so I didn't end up with any extra time.  After they arrived home I spent some time cleaning in their toy room.  I put enough things away that they were able to finish before dinner.  I plan to really finish on Friday if I have some extra time.  But really, I only spent 15-20 minutes in there.  I sometimes need to just get over the mental block of tasks that seem so daunting.  If I just take the 15 minutes I have and use them productively, I can complete the seemingly endless list.  And reality is, you probably can to.  So what if the toy room didn't get finished today?  It is better than it was and I can continue in the right direction the next time I have a chance.

So for me, I am skipping the idea of "me time" because it just wrecks my day.  Instead, I'm focusing on productive time.  I will get my work done, enjoying the extra money to pay off our car super fast to open up our budget for fun vacations, upgrades to our home, and donations.  I'm going to enjoy my time I am so lucky to have with my family instead of stressing about how I don't have as much time as I would like.  We've set things up so our kids can have a relaxed childhood.  They get to come home every day and just play (after their 5-10 minute chores), and that's why I work from home.  We have been so amazingly blessed by God.  It's time to focus on the positive and how much we do have instead of how I wish things were.  I'm ready for the next adventure that God has for our family, as I'm sure it's a great one.

Whole 30 Complete!

I did it, I completed all 30 days.  I might try to find batteries for the scale in the morning to see if I've lost any weight.  But I must admit I don't feel like much changed this past month.  It's hard to tell with the recent time change and cloudy weather.  I have more interest in exercising, but that's because at least the weather has been warmer.  So I don't know how I feel about this whole experience.  I am looking forward to making some fun things for St Patrick's Day and having something different for breakfast the next few days.  We'll see how I feel going back to some of the things I was eating before.

Breakfast - Eggs with salsa, spinach, clementines
Lunch - Leftover chicken soup
Dinner - English roast, cauliflower

Whole 30 Days 27-29

I've made it 4 weeks and 1 day!  Officially in the home stretch, with 1 day remaining.  I am starting to think that I might be losing weight, just little bits all over instead of all off my stomach like I would prefer.  Saturday was a busy day.  After making omelets for all of us in the morning, I supervised the kids cleaning their rooms.  This proved to be incredibly challenging for James.  When they finally finished we headed over to the library to return a couple books and grab others I had an hold.  I talked to one of the librarians for a bit and she told me she had recommended me to reorganize the library at the school.  She couldn't remember my name or my kids' names at the time though, so I'm "safe" unless I want to out myself to the assistant principal.  From there we headed over to Carolyn's soccer, which ended up being fairly disappointing.  Then I took the kids to Jon's track meet and we watched the final race.  We can home for a late lunch, which proved to be too late for James.  He fought us through the entire nap time.  I laid down for a bit and ended up falling asleep, so Jon took the kids to church.  We all had dinner together and then put the kids to bed.  Jon and I watched Augie lose in the elite eight.

Yesterday was a pretty low key day.  The kids played around the house, dancing to the Beatles (thank you kindergarten teacher), a little reading, and some random art projects.  We had a family nap time and I fell asleep for a bit.  I haven't been sleeping the greatest at night, so I've been really tired.  The time change certainly isn't helping with this.  Carolyn had her second to last basketball game, we had dinner, and then put the kids to bed.  I played soccer last night and got in a good workout playing center mid.  I discovered I can score a goal on the kick-off.  I guess my ankle must be pretty well healed.  I hate playing at 9:15 though, I didn't fall asleep until close to midnight.

I've been exhausted all day today.  I had to wake both kids up.  I struggled through 4-5 hours of work, volunteered at the school, and then went for a run to try to wake myself up.  The cloudy day didn't help wake me up any either.  Hopefully we can get some sun soon, as I know that will help greatly.  The run helped to wake me up mentally, but of course now my body is tired.  James had his last day of acting class today.  I got to in and watch a bit.  It was fun, but I think he might be ready for something more.  Depending on schedules next year we might look into them doing some sort of play.  Although they kind of already do that at school, so maybe not.  I got back and forth on kids' activities.  There is a part of me that wants to just cancel everything and play more.  I might not feel that way with giving up gymnastics though.  No practice/game will now be longer than 1.5 hours.  So the days we have practices won't be as long and we should have some time to play before heading out.  We'll see how this Spring ends up playing out.

Saturday
Breakfast - Omelets - spinach, pepper; Fruit
Lunch - Leftover casserole
Dinner - Leftover casserole

Sunday
Breakfast - Fried eggs, clementines, spinach
Lunch - Beef jerky, fruit (ran out of leftovers)
Dinner - Over roasted pork chops (new recipe), sweet potatoes cooked in ghee, broccoli

Today
Breakfast - Fried eggs, spinach, fruit
Lunch - Beef jerky, pear (not real hungry)
Dinner - Chicken soup - broth, chicken breast (I should probably do thighs next time for a higher fat content), carrots, celery, zucchini, red/green peppers, onion, herbs/spices.  This ended up turning out really well.

And now, I think I'm going to go take a bath and relax before heading to bed a bit early.  It feels much later than it is.

Whole 30 Day 26

I am fully in the home stretch now.  No more meals to plan even, as I will be done by the next grocery shopping day.  At that point I'll probably need to make some of the family favorites that were eliminated during this time.  Today was a pretty good day.  I got in some work this morning, started a batch of beef jerky, through in the laundry, and went to MOPs.  It was a fun meeting getting to listen how other moms are meeting this year's theme - celebrate lavishly, enjoy rest, and notice goodness.  I think I've been doing a pretty good job with these lately as well.  I have particularly made it a point to notice goodness in the last couple months.  I find myself pointing out flowers when I'm on walks with my kids.  And I am trying to just enjoy being with them.

This afternoon I had a quick lunch and then went for a walk.  After my first lap I ran into a neighbor.  She was taking her dog for a walk, so I went with her and we talked for a bit.  It was pretty nice to talk to someone I haven't seen in a bit due to the construction this fall and then the cold winter.  That's one of the nice things about Spring, it's brings everyone back outside again to see each other.  We're having a neighborhood Easter egg hunt next week which should be fun as well.  When the kids came home we played in the back yard for a bit.  I restrung the rebounder and they kicked/threw balls at it.  I sense it will get a lot of use this Spring/summer/fall, so long as we are sure to have some time at home.  We finished up the night at James' soccer, where he always has fun.  Next week is his last class though as we prepare to play AYSO and be outside again.

Breakfast - Eggs, spinach, orange
Lunch - Leftover casserole, banana
Dinner - Leftover chili, beer jerky, tea

Time to embrace some rest and go to bed.  Hoping the rain stays away tomorrow so we can enjoy some time playing.

Whole 30 Days 23-25

I am hanging tough.  This has been one busy week!  Tuesday night was Carolyn's first reconciliation.  It was an awesome service and the kids did so well.  My favorite part was the song they all sang together twice.  I could listen to little kids sings all day long I think.  The asst principal commented on Carolyn's leadership during the service as well, saying she was the first to start singing and the first to step into the aisle when they all needed to go up together.  It is so awesome to see the adults at her school recognizing her talents and abilities.  Both kids have crashed quickly the past 2 nights to make up for being up late on Tuesday.  Tuesday afternoon the weather was beautiful so I got to play ball with James in the yard while dinner cooked.  It's interesting to hear the things that wander through his head while playing catch.  He even started to learn some multiplication since he was asking about it.

Yesterday I went for another run and my ankle felt pretty good.  I skipped the brace since jogging is just a straight movement and I found my ankle felt better as I went.  I completed nearly 2 laps, jogging for 1 minute, walking for 1 minute for 10 minutes and then jogging for 1:15, walking for 0:45 for the next 10 minutes.  I felt pretty good afterwards, although I did ice when I got home.  Last night I had a MOPs steering meeting and beforehand I was lamenting how I was on day 24 and didn't feel like I saw any change in my body.  A couple people then said that they could see a change in my face.  So perhaps if I bother to put batteries in the scale when I reach day 30 I will notice a change in weight.  It was wonderful on Wednesday so I sent the kids outside to play ball while I finished dinner.  Before that they both helped chop vegetables for dinner.  It's so wonderful to see them helping more around the house.

Today was another good day.  I worked most of the morning, took a nice bath with the epsom salts, worked some more, and then went for a 2 lap walk.  It's nice to listen to KLOVE radio while I walk, streaming through my phone.  Tonight I played soccer and while my ankle is definitely sore now, I was able to play pretty much uninhibited.  I definitely need to keep running to get back in shape, but I think I'm pretty well beyond the injury stage, YAY!  I am definitely ready for a weekend with not much to do though.

Tuesday
Breakfast - Eggs fried in coconut oil, zucchini, fruit
Lunch - Leftover stir fry
Dinner - Lemon chicken, sweet potato "fries", cauliflower

Wednesday
Breakfast - Eggs, fruit
Lunch - Leftover chili
Dinner - Tex Mex Casserole (new recipe that was okay, but not a huge favorite, likely not worth the effort again)

Thursday
Breakfast - Eggs, fruit
Lunch - Leftover casserole
Snack - Banana, cashews
Dinner - Chicken spaghetti w/ zucchini noodles for me

Looking forward to a low key day.  Since I played soccer tonight I'm thinking I will not run tomorrow and instead walk and do some kettle bells.  I did some on Wednesday and got tired pretty fast.  Now time to crash and let my muscles recover.