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Thursday, October 18, 2012

7 years later

I lost my mom 7 years ago, at 10pm last night.  Some days it feels like it was just yesterday.  And others it feels like much longer.  So much has happened since I lost her - getting married, buying a house, having 2 kids, and we're now onto selling the first house and buying another.  My kids are lucky to have a special guardian angel, and so am I.  I know my mom is smiling down upon our family and I hope that she appreciates all that I'm trying to do for my children.  I know she would like the preschool projects and cooking activities I do with the kids.  She would love this new house and how awesome the kitchen will be to cook in but yet still be involved in everything going on around the house.  I will always miss being able to share my kids with her and they will miss having a second grandmother.  But we look through pictures and talk about her a lot.  To help the kids differentiate, she's "Grandma Angel".  Carolyn doesn't have so many bad dreams anymore, but when she did we talked about asking her Grandma Angel for a hug.  She would tell us in the morning about the hugs she got, and it sounded like she honestly felt like she'd been hugged.  James broken the candle I had bought for my mom that had also survived a few moves a couple weeks ago.  I had to try to explain to Carolyn that the candle could never be replaced - too hard for a 4yo to grasp.  But I'm looking forward to finding a spot in the new home to display some of my memories of my mother.  There are some built-in bookcases and I think I'll take a shelf or 2 for my memory book, pictures, and angels.  It's still hard to believe that I was only 22 when my mom passed away, way too young to lose such an important person.  But also makes me realize how important it is to value every day and try to be with my kids as much as possible.  I just truly never know how much longer I have with all of them. 

I wasn't feeling great today, so we watched Tumblebooks online.  Pretty cool program really and Carolyn probably could have sat there all afternoon listening.  Yesterday neither child napped much, but Carolyn got in a little phonics work and some math.  I'm figuring tomorrow will be a better day and we'll get to some preschool lessons.  Saturday we're heading to Lambs' Farm so there will likely be no naps.  Might also pull out the mixer and bake a cake tomorrow in my mom's memory.  I'm looking forward to all of my usual holiday baking pretty soon in the new house.  We found out today our mortgage is actually going to be less than what we're currently paying, so we should have some wiggle room to buying baking stuff, yay!

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