Happy Birthday Mom!

This is the hardest day of the year for me.  It is getting a little easier as the years go by, but is still a lasting reminder of just how much my mom has missed.  I know she sees everything from up on heaven.  And I'm sure she's having a delightful party with her mom, dad, and grandparents up there today.  But I didn't get to hug her at my wedding.  She didn't get to snuggle my little ones when they were born.  And I will never again get to hug her.  She isn't on the other end of the phone when I need motherly advice.  She'll never get to attend any of

the kids' sports events.  But I have to be comforted knowing I will get to see her again once God calls me home, hopefully not for many more years.  The sun is shining today and I like to think that it's her looking down and saying how proud she is of our children and all the people they are becoming.  We had a cake today to celebrate her birthday even though she couldn't be here.  She liked to celebrate, so I know she smiled as I had cake and ice cream with the kids this afternoon.

Have you heard of TRX?  I took a class with it at Park Center one time when I had free classes and it wiped me out.  Seriously the hardest workout I've ever done, short of plain running.  Anyway, I found a cheaper version on Amazon (TRX wants $150 for a few straps?!) and at $35, ordered it.  Yesterday I tried out a workout I found online, getting a feel for what everything should look like.  This morning I went through and timed how many reps fit into the time suggested.  I prefer to count reps rather than look at a timer.  I know it's all mental, but it's good to know what works best for me.  Are you a time or reps person?  Here's what I did today.  This morning, this afternoon
Chest Press - 7, 8
Low Row - 10, 11
Squat - 13, 14
Burpee - 6/6, 7/7
Deltoid Fly - 8, 9
Power Pull - 10/10, 11/11
Sumo Squats - 13, 14
Hamstring Curl - 13, 14
Lunge - 10/10, 11/11
Crunches - 12, 13

My abs are feeling it the most right now which sounds great to me.  I'm going to try and keep increasing the reps until each exercise is at a maximum.  What's awesome is my heartrate even gets going with this.  So until the weather is warm enough to sustain getting out there regularly, I will switch between this and kettle bells.  Complete body work out in 10-12 minutes!

Whole 30 Day 20

I am so close to completing 3 weeks.  And yet, I honestly still don't see any changes to my body.  My ankle has been feeling significantly better today, which is awesome.  It likely helps that I wore gym shoes instead of my winter crocs for the majority of the day.  I did a lot of walking, too.  At rest time my hamstring was really bothering me.  But as the day has progressed it hasn't been as bad.  Fingers crossed, I'm thinking I might even be able to play tomorrow.

We started off today making toy wagons at Home Depot.  If you have a store near you, check it out to see if they have the free kids workshops.  The kids get to learn to use a hammer and then decorate what they made.  We had not gone for about a year and both kids were excited to see that they could nearly do the entire project themselves (I just lined things up and they did the hammering.)

      

I had my first dress shopping experience with Carolyn today.  I was amazed that even though 7yo girls don't really have "body types," some of the dresses just looked silly on her.  She liked a couple of the dresses, but then put on the one she chose and her whole face lit up and she declared "I love this one."  We got to the check out to discover a stain on the front of the dress, but luckily there was another one that was just fine.  Taking her shopping made me think back to all the times I went shopping with my mom for special dresses.  I know it will get harder from here, but this was a lot of fun.  I have a very excited little girl now.  She even announced the purchase to the priest tonight while jumping up and down.  We will work on the veil for her over the next couple months.

After a busy day today, I am looking forward to relaxing tomorrow.  All we have is a basketball game for Carolyn.  I'm looking forward to seeing how the kids play with each other.

Breakfast - Eggs fried in coconut oil with salsa, beef jerky, strawberries, blueberries
Lunch - Banana, cashews, grapes
Dinner - Leftover chicken soup

Whole 30 Day 5

I made it another day!  Yes, I think I might just celebrate each day that I'm successful.  Rejoice in the small things, right?  Today was a bit harder and I found myself thinking I wanted something sweet.  I turned to grapes to take the edge and it worked for the most part.  I work up this morning with calf cramps.  I have been plagued by these since I stress fractured both shins playing college soccer (even 19 yos should not overtrain jumping on/off things).  I know that cramping can be due to dehydration and a lack of magnesium.  So today I had a bit more water and ate some cashews to try to help balance things out.  I do feel like my body is starting to try and flush some things out, so I should probably drink even more water than usual.  Perhaps a mug of tea before bed once I'm done with work.

This was really a great day though.  At MOPs we found our creative side and painted small canvases.  It was a lot of fun and I think I could get into it regularly if I had time.  I might start stocking up on some paints.  I was thinking that maybe I could buy a big roll of paper and the kids could decorate it and then we could use it as wrapping paper.  So much more fun than the store bought stuff, right?  And the kids could have an artistic outlet at the same time, and maybe even me.  The goal was to make a deeper connection with God.  I've being doing well with that lately so this was a really enjoyable meeting for me.  Can see the "ENJOY" and butterfly?  I love the bright colors and the subtleness of the word and butterfly make them feel lighter to me.  I've never really considered myself an artsy person, but I might be developing into more of one as I get older.

I dropped my car off for an oil change and walked home after the meeting.  First part of my workout for the day.  I had lunch, worked, and switched the laundry before going back to get my car.  The kids came home shortly thereafter and James snuggled in my lap for a long while before we headed to his soccer.  I also got in 2 sets with my 10lb kettlebell.  I think I might feel it a little tomorrow.  Carolyn tried to join in with the 5lb one, she is amazingly strong for a 7yo!  After soccer we came home for dinner and bedtime.  Carolyn just came out a few minutes and I want to record this interaction.

A little background... the interrim pastor is working with her class since they are making the First Communion this year.  He promised a full size candy bar to anyone in the class that could memorize the 10 commandments and write them down in order.  On the first try Carolyn got them all right but switched the order of 2.  So of course on the second try (the next day), she got them all right.  Today they had their next meeting with the pastor and she brought home her candy bar.  She got up from bed to tell me the candy is in her backpack - a big Reeses Peanut Butter cup.  She asked if she should take it out as she wanted to give it to me to share with Jon.  I was quite confused by this and in light of currently during the whole 30, quickly trying to figure out how to refuse the candy without making her upset.  I asked why she would give it to use when she received it for her own hard work.  Her response?  "You and dad helped me, so I was thinking I would give it to you."  I actually had tears in my eyes.  I told her the idea was very sweet of her but that she should get to keep it and if she wanted she can share it with James.  This kid has a heart of gold I tell you, just amazing.

Breakfast - 4 egg muffins, blueberries, cashews
Lunch - Leftover pepper steak
Snack - cashews
Dinner - leftover pork chop, pear

25 more days to go, I can do this.  Oh, and with a crazy twist of fate, I won a huge jar of coconut oil today at MOPs - it was handed out to anyone doing a Whole30.  Although I wonder if the person that handed it out has read this at all, haha.  Time to go fully relax before heading to bed!

Another new normal

This was one crazy week.  Sunday we had one of the top 5 blizzards ever in Chicago, so my birthday plans were scrambled.  And Sunday night the week took a difficult turn, with news that my Grandfather was likely in his final 24 hours.  I didn't sleep much that night, waiting for the phone to ring with either news about my grandfather or that school was canceled.  At 5am the news about school being canceled came.  So I turned off my alarm and tried to get some sleep.  We had an okay day Monday, the kids enjoyed playing in the snow and we took our first ever trip to a sledding hill.  What else is there to do with powdery snow?  They had a blast and we had to bring them home for dinner before any complaints of being cold even started.

I decided to head for bed early Monday, falling asleep well before 9pm.  Around 9:30 I awoke to what I thought was my cell phone.  Only half awake, I couldn't remember where I had placed it and then it stopped ringing.  But then the house phone rang.  When I saw Dave's number, I knew what news was coming.  He let me know that Grandpa was finally in peace.  I like to envision a party up in heaven as he joined my mom and grandma, as well as his parents and brother-in-law.  Dave and I spoke briefly, both of us being weary from the past 24 hours.  I tried to go back to sleep but my mind raced.  About 10 my sister called to see how I was doing.  We both agreed the feelings were mixed, with a sadness that he's no longer there to talk to, but happy that he's no longer uncomfortable.

Sleep would be elusive for the rest of the week, as we also continue our battle with the school regarding Carolyn.  I will miss my grandfather greatly.  I am so glad we went out to Colorado this summer to give the kids more memories of their great grandfather.  I am so glad we have many items around the house that are memories of him, made by his hands.  These things will forever be treasured.  I have been looking at his picture nightly that sits in our bedroom, a picture of him "young" in my mind, blue work shirt that he seemed to always wear.  I can still picture him working in our garage, whistling as he made new folding tables, footstools, or other wood projects.  I hope we can pass on some of those skills to our children as they grow older.  I made coffee cake in honor of all the times he would stop at the Entemann's store and being us 2-3 boxes yesterday.  I am so glad to have so many memories of such a wonderful man.

We have had many times of a new normal in the past 6 months, and now we enter into another new normal.  This one with a little sadness in our hearts that will heal with time.  And during this time of sadness we'll try to remember all the wonderful memories we made with a wonderful man.  I'll never forget how he seemed to constantly tell us how terrible the world has become, how things were better when he was a kid.  As I get older I wonder if that is what everyone says.  It does seem that a lot of our "improvements" only seem to make life more difficult.  We're all weathering this well though, it's hard to remain sad for too long when someone lives for nearly 97 years.  What an amazing life he lived.  I wish I could have been up in heaven with him to see the party they had in his honor.  He will be missed here and I look forward to seeing him again (although hopefully not for many years).

Missing Mom

We had a wonderful few days of Christmas celebrations.  I finished up baking on Christmas Eve.  My dad and Patty joined us for birthday cake, mass, and dinner.  We put out cookies and milk for Santa, wrapped presents and set everything out.  The kids loved everything they received, with a yo-yo making the top 3 for James.  It's so funny what they end up liking the most.  Everyone is enjoying the used Wii, the sports games are a big hit.  Christmas day was great with Jon's parents and some friends over.  We enjoyed mostly just relaxing and chatting.  It was a different Christmas day, but it was really nice.

Today was mostly a day of recovery, the kids played with their new things and I tried to figure out what to do with some of my retirement accounts.  But this afternoon we started some of the cleaning out that needs to be done.  During this I pulled everything out of the overflowing magazine rack that holds the kids' drawing stuff.  I asked them to go through everything (they aren't done yet).  Carolyn did a great job looking through things and deciding what she wants to keep.

While Carolyn was going through the large pile, she came across the speech a good friend made at mom's funeral.  Just reading the first few words I knew it was from Marianne.  Tears filled my eyes without even reading it.  I set it to the side and finished working on the pile in front of me.  Then I sat down to read it through and reminisce on the wonderful relationship they had.  I was reminded of my wonderful mother and saddened that she can't be here to watch my children grow up.  I was reminded of some of the great friendships my mom developed and part of me longs to develop some of those types of relationships.  Now that the kids are growing it should get easier.  Mostly today, I miss my mom.  Much of the holiday season is filled with memories of her as I bake the same things she baked (with tweaks to make them gluten free) and the house is filled even more with reminders of her.  I know she's watching us from heaven and I know she is so proud of her grandchildren.  But it's still hard that I can't call her on the phone, that I can't give her a hug, that James and Carolyn will never feel her warm embrace.

And then there's reality of my own unknown future.  As we near a new year, I see some challenges with my own health that lie ahead.  The headaches that plagued me this fall have gone away, which is excellent.  But the dizziness is still strong and I can't figure out how to get rid of it.  I have to work this year to not only lose the weight I was working on in August, but the extra weight from 3 months of restaurant food.  Hopefully that can relieve the joint aches and the dizziness.  I'll go low sugar again starting next Thursday.  And hopefully I'll see the changes I need.  Thinking about my mom always reminds me of how young she was and I was when she passed away.  Of course, if I make it to 57 James would be 30 since I just have the 2 kids and we started young.  But I would still miss a lot.  Maybe if I can lose a good amount of this weight I'll even head into the doctor this summer to start a relationship back up.  For now I need to take things into my own hands and do what I know needs to be done to start feeling better.  The first step is to start getting better sleep.  So off to bed I will be in a short bit.

I love you, Mom.  Thanks for watching over us.

Schooling Dilemma

I should really be working right now, but I have to get this out before I can focus.  I am really unsure what to do for Carolyn right now, and James in the future even.  Carolyn has been coming home lately riled up from the day, and it's clear she isn't being challenged at all while at school.  I wrote to her teacher and the response was that they've been doing some benchmark testing lately.  Yet I feel like they were just doing that a few weeks ago.  So how much time is being spent evaluating these kids?!  And how often does Carolyn have to sit around while they check on the abilities of all the kids?  Yes, she can count to 100, knows all 42 sounds, can write all the letters in lowercase, can identify a square, circle, triangle, and their vertices.  For that matter she can count by 2 (to 20), 5, and 10.  And yes, it's only November.  She hates guided writing where she just has to fill in a couple words that match a picture and doesn't get to use any of her own ideas.  She can complete a level L story and questions on RAZ kids by only listening to the story once.  She often wants to practice learning her math facts.  I can't help but feel like her time is being wasted each morning when she goes to school.  I've written her teacher again to see if we can meet or talk on the phone about what the rest of the year is going to look like and how to proceed from here.

And all of this makes me miss my mom so much because she was good dealing with all of the school stuff.  I'm fighting back tears right now because I just wish I could talk to her right now.  I want what's best for my kids, but I don't know what that is.  If I had all the money in the world we could send them to Montessori or an academy some where.  But we can barely pay our bills and fix the things that break.  But right now it seems my heart is breaking for the frustration that Carolyn faces each day.  People do need to learn to be patient with others and that not everyone learns at the same pace, but I guess I don't feel like learning at 5.5 that you are supposed to wait around while others catch up is appropriate.  And it's the exact problem with the education in this country and why we're falling behind in math and science.  I see Carolyn's love for learning slowly fizzling and I hate that, but I don't know what to do to give her the best results in the long run.  And it makes me crave a phone call with my mom like nothing else.

I love you Mom, and I miss you more than words can say!

Anniversaries - Happy and Sad

I meant to write on Thursday, but life was just too busy.  Thursday was both the 10 year anniversary of our engagement and the 8 year anniversary of losing my mom to her cancer battle.  Our engagement of course is a fully happy memory and I can flash back to walking down to the river by Augie and spending some time chatting on the rocks.  We carved our initials into the small dock and then hiked back up to the car and went out to dinner.  We finished that night by going to the boys' soccer game so I could show all the girls the ring.  But not having my mom is hard.  And this time of year it's really hard.  I wish she could go to the pumpkin farm, see the kids in their costumes, join us for turkey at Thanksgiving, and of course be around for the holiday baking and Christmas.  This time of year I think about the time spent looking through wedding magazines for floral arrangements, and considering a rushed wedding so she could attend.  In the end I had to settle for the few memories and knowing that she helped me choose my dress, the bridesmaid dresses, the flowers, and the reception hall.  I still wish she could be here to help me navigate these tricky years with the kids, and remind me of what I was like as I entered school.  I tried to keep myself busy this past Thursday to push the painful part away just a little.  I wore my necklace that was hers and I think of her every time I touch it.

I started the day with Carolyn's first school conference.  Her teacher focused on behavior - whether the student was functioning well in the classroom since this is Kindergarten and at this point that's what she's worried about.  Everything was marked on a scale of 1-3, and Carolyn received 3's on everything they are currently working on.  Carolyn even set a goal for herself to work on something that her teacher isn't concerned about yet.  We talked about how we can continue to challenge Carolyn, and her teacher said she would get out some poetry books for her to read during reading workshop.  It sounds like things will get more personalized as the year goes on now so Carolyn should be even more challenged.  Looking over curriculums, it looks like Carolyn currently has everything through first grade except for telling time on an analog clock.  The iPad is allowing for more personalization as they started spelling (Montessori spelling) and math (Find sums) this weekend.  We may start seeing the iPad come home each day, which would allow her to play for 15-30 minutes, the small practice that's great at this age.

James and I then went to the store to do the week's grocery shopping, picking up ingredients for some special treats.  After a usual lunch with the kids, I had a job interview on the phone.  As happened last time I interviewed for an online teaching position, I was offered a job while still on the phone.  It sounds like a much better fit and I am optimistic it will end up working well.  But only time will tell.  It may be a position I can grow into, perfect for this time in our lives and the kids are becoming more independent.  I miss teaching and developing relationships with students and I'm hoping this new job will give me that opportunity again.  I don't need more to do, especially since Jon is considering a coaching opportunity this Spring.  So we'll see how things go.

After naps the kids helped me to bake a cheesecake.  We weren't patient enough and had some for dessert after dinner.  The inside ended up quite runny, but it still tasted delicious!  I'm thinking that cheesecake is the dessert that I just can't resist.  I'm hoping to find a recipe that uses less/no sugar - but nothing artificial.  So I might play around with honey or maple syrup.  I think if I make it flavored - strawberry or chocolate or something, that those sweeteners would do just fine.  After the kids were in bed Thursday night I had a bunch of work to get done, so it was a late night.  But I did find several moments throughout the day to pray and talk to my mom.  Jon brought me flowers which are beautiful and sitting on the kitchen table.  It was great to see how much he tries to understand how much I miss my mom.

Everything else continues to go well and the kids continue to grow.  James is identifying a bunch more letters now, which is often.  At his current rate he may be identifying them all by Christmas, which would be amazing and awesome.  I'm going to activate the 5 week Reading Eggs trial in a week so it's active over Thanksgiving.  I keep debating about purchasing a subscription because I think it would be awesome for James.  But Carolyn is kind of beyond it and I don't think James is quite ready for it.  So we'll do this 5 week trial and then the craziness of the holidays will be here.  If I get a good discounted offer in January, I might sign him up then because it's likely that would take him through beginning to read.  He's less of a spurt kid and more steady growth, but I'm guessing he'll start reading around 4.5 like Carolyn.  Only time will where things are headed!

I'm looking forward to a more relaxed week and helping in Carolyn's classroom on Thursday.  Then next weekend Halloween activities start!

Summer 2013 is ending

It's been a long time since I've written, and quite a busy summer!  We started the summer with painting the kids' bedrooms.  After finishing those, we headed to Blue Harbor for 3 nights with Jon's parents for vacation.  It was pretty nice and fairly relaxing.  The kids had a blast at the waterpark.  When we got home we continued to paint the rest of the house - master bedroom, living room, kitchen, and playroom/hallway.  It feels really nice to have the house feel more like ours.  There's still a long list of changes we'd like to make, but finances will determine that as we go forward.  We're growing some tomato plants out front, which are huge.  We went to some sporting events, played at parks, and just enjoyed being together as a family.

The last 2 weeks Carolyn attended Safety City through the park district.  It's a program my mom was part of starting and teaching when I was little.  Carolyn had a lot of fun and enjoyed telling us all the new things she learned each day about how to be safe.  I let the staff know today who my mom was, and almost cried as the director remembered her.  I miss my mom a lot, but having the kids get to experience some of the things she helped create makes it a little easier.  Carolyn did an awesome job at camp and her teacher was amazed that this was her first drop-off experience.  Bodes very well for starting kindergarten.  They even took a field trip on a school bus, so that won't be a foreign idea for her.

Jon started his new job this week with new staff training.  He seems to really be enjoying himself and those around him are very nice.  He has a great big office and we're discovering some nice perks along the way.  We got free microsoft office for our new desktop computer.  And the insurance, although we're selecting the HMO, is about $200/month cheaper than his old school.  Looking forward to seeing his new paycheck at the end of the month.

I have been given a raise, which means I don't have to work as many hours this school year.  I'm looking forward to being able to spend more time with the kids and not tied to my computer.  They're also starting a 401k matching program.  It's the typical 50% of your contributions up to 6%.  So I'm putting in 7% to end up with 10% in there.  If Jon switches his stuff away from fidelity, I might do the same and move all my stuff to CharlesSchwabb.  But we'll what happens.  The guy he was using wasn't very helpful and rarely, if ever, actually responds to our inquiries.  It took him over a month when I wanted to increase contributions... you'd think he'd be right on that.

Carolyn starts school in 10 days.  I still have mixed feelings about whether public school is the best option for her.  Everyone that sees/hears her read is amazed.  Whenever we use any of the online tests she ends up at a 4th grade level.  We continue to work on her math and that I would put about half way through 1st grade.  We've spent less time on it, so she isn't as far as I think she could be.  I'm going to give this a whole hearted attempt though, and we'll see how it goes.  I'm hoping that the Ipads will provide her with the opportunity to excel beyond her grade level.  I looked over the curriculum last night and she has every item listed mastered.  There are 3-4 things not yet mastered for 1st grade only.  And those are things we haven't spent much time with - clock reading, money counting, numbers beyond 100, and parts of a sentence.  So we'll definitely work on those in the next couple months and then start tackling the 2nd grade curriculum which does have more for her to work on.

James is really enjoying the preschool work we've been doing.  We're through the first 7 weeks and will start on week 8 soon.  He likes how varied it is and I think he enjoys that he gets to sit in my lap for a lot of it.  He can sing his alphabet, count to 10, identify all the standard colors, and knows his shapes (square, triangle, rectangle, circle).  We're working on identifying the letters and numbers, of which he does know a few.  So he's trucking right along.  I'm interested to see where he is just before entering kindergarten himself.  I'm looking forward to spending time with just him when we don't have to go anywhere as well.  He starts soccer in September and then story hour isn't until October.  I figure we'll still go to the library once a week though.

I'm looking forward to enjoying this next week with just the 2 of them.  We don't have a ton planned and that is going to be nice.  Tomorrow we have no plans and will just enjoy time as a family, since from here Saturdays will likely involve grocery shopping.

Life's been busy...

It's been a few weeks since I've written.  But I've really been trying to focus on the kids and truly enjoying my time with them.  Often we all get caught up in what's coming next or telling others about what we're doing.  I've been trying to watch my children, play with them, and snuggle with them.  We found out this week that Carolyn will be in morning kindergarten.  She was disappointed to find out that the other gymnastics days are full, so she will continue with one day a week.  But then we started talking and decided it will be just fine.  I've spent some time gathering ideas for places to go and science projects to do.  We'll keep working on her reading, writing, and math, as well as reading science books as well as about all of the presidents.  This is likely her last chance for a while to do what she wants without school getting in the way.  So I'm looking forward to enjoying this Spring with her.

Thursday would have been my mom's 65th birthday, so it was a tough day.  But I made my first cheesecake with the kids and they made me smile all day.  James sang happy birthday to "grandma angel" and we offered her a bite when we enjoyed some together.  I miss my mom every day, but I know she's watching us closely and keeping us safe.

James has been struggling with sleep lately and I'm not sure why.  Twice this last week he's climbed in bed with us at night and today I had to take him into our bed to get him to nap.  When I ask him why he says "because I miss you", so what do you say in response to that?  I tried to talk with him a little at nap time, wondering if the kindergarten talk has him worried.  I jokingly said something about daycare this week, so maybe that has him worried.  Just not sure, so I'll keep snuggling him and after an hour of him in our bed at night we'll shuffle him back to bed.  He won't be this little forever, but I also do horribly on interrupted sleep.

Carolyn has been doing great lately.  We're almost completely through the Dolch sight words, with I think 3 left on the final list.  She has around 100 spelling words mastered, and we keep working on addition/subtraction as well as telling time.  She'll likely be at a 2nd-3rd grade level in everything by the time she starts kindergarten.  But it's simply because she loves to learn.  She's playing very nicely with James and is becoming a much more polite little girl.  It's really cool to watch her choose her words very carefully and say things like "Excuse me Mom, but when you have a minute could you..."  I look at her when that happens and marvel that she's only 4!

I've been trying to pay more attention to not yelling lately, and I'm going to commit to this a little more going forward.  I recently read a blog post about someone commiting to not yelling for a year.  I'm not ready to do that.  But, I think I can commit to a week, and from there I can extend it further.  I know the kids are better when I'm calmer, so I need to keep focusing on this so they can the best possible.  Anyone else want to join me in this?

Kindergarten Registration!

We've completed another crazy week in our house.  The days at times are quite long, by the weeks seem to pile up rather quickly.  We had a lot of fun this week, while Carolyn tested boundaries and James battled a cold.  It was nice to have Jon home on Monday and he enjoyed attending gymnastics with us.  James is just about ready to start class on his own, but has to wait until he is 3 to do so.  That limit is a little frustrating, but it is what it is.  James got to attend his own story hour on Tuesday (with me and Carolyn) and did fantastic.  I am sure he will do awesome once he turns 3 and is able to attend that on his own as well.  They do a very good job of incorporating movement and listening into a 30-45 minute time slot.  Wednesday we went to the museum and both kids had a lot of fun as usual.  They played in the vet area, which they hadn't ventured into before.  James is working on improving his attention span and staying in one area for longer.  It's fun to see him growing in this regard.  Thursday we had swim lessons and both kids continue to improve.  Carolyn is becoming less afraid of the water and getting closer to really putting her face in.  James is getting braver as well and enjoys jumping off the side and doesn't put up a huge fuss going under.  He even asked me to dunk both of us.  I hate getting the chlorine in my hair, but want to encourage his feeling safe under the water so we went under together.  Friday we had a day of rest with James developing stuffy nose.  Only a couple days though and today he's feeling much better!

Thursday night was kindergarten registration.  It was weird to be in Westbrook to sign my own child up, after having been there as a sub so many times.  I had all the paperwork done and signed Carolyn up for a screening at the end of May.  I hope that helps put her in a classroom where the teacher will push her.  The most difficult part was meeting someone who knew my mom.  The secretary there was helping put everything together and we chatted a little, during which she said she knew my mom and loved her and missed her.  I think our file may be flagged now, but it is always great to hear stories of how my mom impacted those around her.  I do still miss her everyday and these interactions help to bring her a little closer.  I found out that we might be able to get Carolyn into a spanish class before school.  Once I know for sure whether she is morning/afternoon we'l make that decision.  I think it would help her to definitely be learning something new a couple mornings a week.  They also have an awesome program to deliver school supplies on the first day.  Great to see them offering this, and I hope they do it also to help provide for lower income families and help those kids feel not so singled out.  About 6 months before Carolyn is scheduled to start!

Carolyn has really been testing limits lately.  She is trying to give up her nap, but ends up making poor decisions in the afternoon because she's so tired.  We'll be talking about the need to sleep later in the morning if she's not going to nap.  She's also testing on responses when people are talking to her.  So we'll be working on maintaining eye contact and being sure the person knows you are listening.  This is an important skill for her before she heads off to school anyway.  But I do worry about her a bit in regards to learning new and difficult skills in a higher pressue environment.  I'm hoping this is just part of development and in a few weeks we'll be over the hump.  She's also been growing a lot taller lately, so she may just be in the middle of some huge development and having trouble managing herself.

And so we're ready for another exciting week.  It's nice to have a long stretch here where life isn't too stressful.  Hopefully we'll see some job openings pop up for Jon in the next few weeks and have an exciting Spring including job interviews for him.

7 years later

I lost my mom 7 years ago, at 10pm last night.  Some days it feels like it was just yesterday.  And others it feels like much longer.  So much has happened since I lost her - getting married, buying a house, having 2 kids, and we're now onto selling the first house and buying another.  My kids are lucky to have a special guardian angel, and so am I.  I know my mom is smiling down upon our family and I hope that she appreciates all that I'm trying to do for my children.  I know she would like the preschool projects and cooking activities I do with the kids.  She would love this new house and how awesome the kitchen will be to cook in but yet still be involved in everything going on around the house.  I will always miss being able to share my kids with her and they will miss having a second grandmother.  But we look through pictures and talk about her a lot.  To help the kids differentiate, she's "Grandma Angel".  Carolyn doesn't have so many bad dreams anymore, but when she did we talked about asking her Grandma Angel for a hug.  She would tell us in the morning about the hugs she got, and it sounded like she honestly felt like she'd been hugged.  James broken the candle I had bought for my mom that had also survived a few moves a couple weeks ago.  I had to try to explain to Carolyn that the candle could never be replaced - too hard for a 4yo to grasp.  But I'm looking forward to finding a spot in the new home to display some of my memories of my mother.  There are some built-in bookcases and I think I'll take a shelf or 2 for my memory book, pictures, and angels.  It's still hard to believe that I was only 22 when my mom passed away, way too young to lose such an important person.  But also makes me realize how important it is to value every day and try to be with my kids as much as possible.  I just truly never know how much longer I have with all of them. 

I wasn't feeling great today, so we watched Tumblebooks online.  Pretty cool program really and Carolyn probably could have sat there all afternoon listening.  Yesterday neither child napped much, but Carolyn got in a little phonics work and some math.  I'm figuring tomorrow will be a better day and we'll get to some preschool lessons.  Saturday we're heading to Lambs' Farm so there will likely be no naps.  Might also pull out the mixer and bake a cake tomorrow in my mom's memory.  I'm looking forward to all of my usual holiday baking pretty soon in the new house.  We found out today our mortgage is actually going to be less than what we're currently paying, so we should have some wiggle room to buying baking stuff, yay!