How to Make 1 Income Work

My goal here is not to feed into the debate of SAHM vs WM.  Every family needs to decide what is best for them.  But I do feel like there are a lot of women that wish they could stay at home but can't see how it could ever work.  Or may you are just getting married and thinking that when you have kids you would like to stay at home but can't imagine getting by on just 1 income.  Having lived it, I can tell that it is definitely possible.

What you have to decide is what sacrifices you are willing to make.  I've never been a Starbuck's person.  In fact, I hate the taste of coffee.  I've never been one to love eating out all the time, I prefer to know what's in my food.  I don't wear make-up as in high school my skin was super sensitive and I just never started doing it after that.  So these may be some areas to consider reducing your budget with.  We chose to cut back as much as possible.

One of the biggest things that helped us was the decision to take 1 year at a time.  We looked at our budget and our income when I got pregnant.  We knew that our house was purchased based on 1 income.  This is key if you are planning for the future as housing is going to be the biggest expense each month.  I tried to find some side jobs and as a former teaching was able to pick up some tutoring for extra money when the kids were tiny, but never worked much until they started school.

Once our first child was born, we said I would stay home for 1 year and then we would evaluate where we were financially.  Jon was only making around $40k/year before deductions at that point.  We had no car loans, but both had significant student loans.  But there were 2 major reasons why we decided to try me staying at home for a year.  First and foremost, it was what we both really wanted for our child.  We wanted one of us to be with her as much as possible.  It made sense for it to be me since I could then breastfeed, a huge savings for our budget.  Second, we looked at what I was making.  I was 25 when Carolyn was born and finishing my 3rd year of teaching.  I was making similar to Jon at around $40k.  By the time we considered paying for day care, gas, taxes, and work clothes expenses, the amount we would get to keep from my paycheck was pretty small.

So what did we give up?  We stopped going out to eat.  But who really enjoys going out to eat and wrestling a baby the whole time?  Once our contract ran out, we gave up cable.  We opted instead to use Redbox to rent movies, check them out from the library, or watch movies we already owned.  We shopped sales to reduce our grocery budget.  Along with meal planning, this made a large impact on our monthly expenses.  Jon packed lunch for work each day to keep our food expenses as low as possible.  Realistically, because we were quite young when our first child was born, we did not have an extravagant lifestyle so we didn't miss much of what we cut.  When it came to clothes, we graciously accepted all hand me downs available.  Especially when kids are tiny, they outgrow things so fast that most of what we received was nearly new.

Something nobody tells you when you're about to have a baby is that month to month, babies are cheap.  The first few years of life, when kids are most malleable, child care is most expensive, and you can have the most impact by staying home, that's when kids are the cheapest to stay at home with.  Babies don't need to take classes.  If you join a moms group, you can find playgroups to attend or park gatherings to get out of the house.  Going for a walk is good exercise and most little ones love it.  Once you've come out of the sleep-deprived coma of the first 2 months, you can even use your baby as a "weight" to combine bonding time and a work out routine.  Our kids loved it when would lift them over our chest (just not right after nursing).  The first 6 months there don't have to even be any additional food expenses.  If you breastfeed, that is all the baby needs.  And if you are home with the baby, you don't have to worry about pumping.  Our oldest had maybe 6 bottles while our youngest had none.  For the next 6 months, purchasing real food for the child to try is minimal.

My kids are now 6 and 8, our income has increased dramatically since those first few years.  One year we were less than $1k away from receiving the EIC on our taxes.  As the kids have grown, I have increased my work with 2 online companies.  Now that both kids are in school I find myself often working 5-6 hrs/day.  But because we've always done such a good job with our finances, my paycheck can fund all the things we gave up when the kids were tiny.  I love being home each day when the kids get home so they can just play.  And they would tell you the same thing.

So if you feel in your heart that you want to be home with your kids, know that you can make it work.  It might not always be easy and you will have to make some sacrifices, but you can make it work with some planning.  One thing when looking at your income to consider is how much less in taxes you will pay with an extra dependent and a significant reduction in income.  If you'd like ideas of things to cut, I'd love to help.  Start by writing down all your expenses for a couple months and I'm happy to take a look for you.

Whole 30 Day 4

I made it through another day.  I felt like I had lot of free time today.  Things didn't start out so great as I discovered at breakfast that the special tea I bought was the wrong stuff and it smells and tastes like coffee.  If you know me, you know I strongly dislike both.  So I guess this will become Jon's tea from now.  He's been stealing my plain green tea at night for a while anyway.  I'll have to look for something different when I head to the store next week.  With the weather warming up I don't really need it at the moment anyway.  I fit in all of my work before heading to the school.

At the school I was caught off guard by 2 things.  First, I usually help with math but today was handed a reading packet.  Um, okay, but that's definitely not my specialty.  We made it through.  While I was working with the kids the principal came in and acknowledged he had forgot to update me on the math things for Carolyn.  He assured me they were working on it and asked if I could stop by on my way out.  Last week was a 4 day week ending with an institute day and this week is a 4 day week.  I totally get how things get lost.  He was genuinely apologetic.  So when I was done tutoring, I stopped by.  Turns out, testing for Carolyn and another child in her class started just after we discussed doing so.  So as not to overwhelm, it has been broken into chunks and she wasn't even aware that she was being tested.  This is good and bad.  Carolyn tends to not even try when presented with a challenge.  She was told to leave things blank if she couldn't figure it out.  To my child that means "if you aren't sure of your answer, don't give one."  We'll see how the results turn out once they're done and determine what to do in the next couple months and then next year.  I love how wonderfully flexible the school is being.  And I think it's awesome that another child is benefiting from my relentless question asking.  We also talked about James a bit.  I relayed the experience of our conference last week, that did not go as well as I had hoped.  He agreed to speak with the teacher to see what we can do.  It will be interesting to see what happens here.  I mentioned that was a little surprised that James scored so well on his NU CTD tests, as he is just harder to get a good grasp on than Carolyn was at this age.  There's a little more immaturity from him and there's also a whole lot of boy that she's obviously missing.  I was surprised with the praise for James that the principal offered, saying that he wasn't surprised that he scored well.  This principal is very involved in the school and supervises recess multiple times a week.  If you know my kids, you know they are often drawn to adults and like to share a lot (earlier this week Carolyn shared about me being sick and the teacher signed her out for me - a little crazy.)  He commented that James is able to carry a conversation and discuss things much more in-depth than a kid his age.  I'm interested to see what the scores come back as.  And now I wonder what it would be like to be around a typically developing child on a regular basis.  Although, is any child really considered typical?  I think the water is really muddied here.  I am just so glad we found a place where the school wants to work with us to ensure that each child is challenged.  That's all I've really ever wanted - stretch their brains.

This afternoon I had a chance to go for a walk twice around our neighborhood and finished up James' scarf.  The kids each had their activities and then James and I came home.  After reading for a bit, he got ready for bed and we read another story.  He's really into this old Sesame Street Bedtime Stories book that is from my childhood.  All my favorite characters and wonderfully silly stores.  Big bird is not an ugly mud monster!  We finished before Jon and Carolyn arrived home so he asked to snuggle.  Snuggling turned into him clapping my hands and them a silly game.  I love listening to him laugh and I think I could do it all day.  I know moments like these will get fewer over the years and I really took a minute to cherish the time with him.  I'm looking forward to Carolyn being done with gymnastics so we can have more relaxed nights with her as well.

Breakfast - Egg "muffins" (bacon, green pepper, mushroom, egg), blueberries, banana, tea
Lunch - leftover mahi, carrots with guacamole
Dinner - Pulled pork, cauliflower

The cupcakes are almost gone and tomorrow I'll give the kids some more of my Valentines candy in their lunches.  I am looking forward to the warm weather we're supposed to have tomorrow and Saturday!

Taking Less for Granted

One of the things that I have definitely learned from this fall is to cherish everything around me a bit more.  I am focusing on being more present with my family.  I am choosing what activities are most important and enjoying just being so much more.  After the stress of trying to control a 4 and 6 year old in a hotel for nearly 3 months, I find myself much calmer.  We have a lot less chaos around here and everyone seems to be a bit calmer.  I hope we can hold onto these feelings as we plunge back into life.

I have found myself a great deal more patient with the children.  Partially because I realize how hard it was for them to be out of the house and their neighborhood for so long.  And partially because I think this whole ordeal has made me more patient.  I am now focusing more on God and how to show His love to those around us.  Christmas is even going to look a bit different this year as we open our home to friends that don't have other family nearby.  I am really looking forward to a relaxed celebration where we can all visit and celebrate God's love.

So as much as I hated living in a hotel for 3 months and the time we seemed to have lost while there, we have gained so much from this experience.  I've always known that God works in mysterious ways and this is the most mysterious of all.  But I know God is in control and all is good.  I'm looking forward to 16 days to relax with my family starting Friday about 4pm.

Anyone that is looking for somewhere to be on Christmas, please let me know.  We're happy to have anyone join us as long as we know before we buy the food.

Focusing on the positive

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written in here.  Life just completely took over and I haven't had time to sit down and write.  Likely, I should of be doing a myriad of other things even right now.  I never did print off James' preschool for the week, but I think I at least have what we need for tomorrow!  And I signed up for an online physics course that I haven't even looked at yet.  We've had so many wonderful adventures in the last 8 months, let me see if I can sum them all up quickly.

Last Spring, once the ground finally thawed, Carolyn finished up her year of AYSO.  Her growth as a soccer player was awesome, along with the growth of her teammates.  We chose to pursue another route for soccer this school year so I am no longer her coach.  Carolyn played her first (and last) year of tball.  She really enjoyed it and can't wait to try softball next Spring.  James got to try tball as well, which he loved.  And it turns out that he has a great arm for such a peanut and can even hit a little coach pitch if the bat is small enough.  We celebrated birthdays for everyone in the family, sticking with family parties for at least one more year.  It was nice to see everyone and have low-key celebrations that focused on enjoying time together.

Once school ended we headed up to Blue Harbor for a few days and had a blast in the waterpark and at the beach.  The kids love it there, we'll see if we make it back next summer.  After that was the 4th of July and then Carolyn took her NU CTD classes and absolutely loved them.  Definitely a little weird to have my 6yo telling me about phalanges and telling stories about Nessie.  She did a bunch of projects and both teachers told how they loved the questions she asked.  After her classes ended, we piled into the car for Denver.  The drive was definitely long, but both kids did pretty well.  It was wonderful to see my grandfather and he did his best to stay awake when we were there.  For a 96yo he's doing pretty well and I am SO glad we decided to go.  Lots of great memories to last for a while, and of course I always know that this may have been our last visit with him (although we've been saying that for 5years it seems :-))  We came home and recharged for a few days before heading up to MN to visit my former department chair.  She has cabins in the middle of Superior National Forest and it was an experience.  We had intended to spend 2 days hiking and playing in the water.  Instead we spent 1 day driving to the ER to clear James of a concussion and then 1 day playing in the water.  The kids really enjoyed that one day though and it was nice to visit with Maggie.  She's really enjoying retirement and that's awesome to see.

Summer was basically over once we arrived home, with Jon heading back to work a few days later.  Both kids attended soccer camp and for the most part enjoyed it.  I got to walk each day while they were both at camp and James and I had some special time while Carolyn finished up each day.  Then we enjoyed another week of settling into activities before school started.  Carolyn is starting the team program for gymnastics, which is 2 afternoons each week.  She started first grade last week and was definitely exhausted by Friday afternoon.  But so far she is loving her teacher and kids in her class.  She has some of the more severely challenged students join her class for specials and on the first day helped one of the girls find a seat.  It's a great opportunity for her to work with others and use her gentle, loving spirit to encourage and include others.  We spent most of this weekend at a family wedding, which was beautiful.  We all had a wonderful time at the ceremony and reception and have spent the last 2 days recovering from staying up until about 11.  All ready to face a new week now though!

This week we don't quite get to settle into a regular routine since I have jury duty on Wednesday.  James is looking forward to some special time with Jon though while I'm gone.  And Jon is looking forward to being a part of activities like chess and soccer that he typical misses.  After this week we'll settle in for a bit though.  I can't wait to see the blessings God has in store for our family this school year.  Both kids continue to be very inquisitive and I am looking forward to helping them answer their questions.

My goal for this year is going to be to focus on the positive.  When I go for my walks (try for 3mi 4x/wk) I repeat a verse in my head as much as possible.  I don't know which one it is as it comes out of a song, but I just repeat to myself "Be still, and know that He is God."  Because really, that's all there is to it.  If I focus on getting things right with God and helping my children to focus on behaving through God's grace, we'll all be on the right path.  So while I can't be physically still most of the time, I am trying to focus on keeping my mind from racing by remembering that God is in control and everything is working towards the best outcome.
Ready for the next challenge, because I know that God is in control.

2 months in to Kindergarten

It's hard to believe it's mid-October already and Carolyn has been in kindergarten for nearly 2 months!  It seems like we've been crazy busy lately, although to most families we're don't do very much.  I'm realizing that as a family we really value time to relax and just be together.  Carolyn and James don't handle constant activity well and require a day to just be, weekly preferably.  It gets hard to manage that as kids get older though.  With soccer on Saturdays and Sunday school, we have been stuck with weeks with seemingly no rest.  Tomorrow, though, we will get a day of rest.  A day to read books, go for a walk to collect sticks, leaves, and acorns, go to the park, ride bikes, just enjoy having no plans.  And I spent tonight putting together 4 different craft projects the kids can do.  I looked through the Oriental Trading catalogue and then sat down with some construction paper.  It'll be a little trickier since we'll need to use glue to put things together, but it'll be fun to put together these projects and then hang them around the house.

Carolyn has an amazing teacher at school.  She is being exposed to some new topics, and I am able to support and enhance that learning by bringing home extra books from the library.  They do continue to plod through the alphabet and phonics sounds, which she mastered a while ago.  But they also are working through Handwriting without tears and she is learning to properly form lower case letters.  They also have the opportunity to do some writing in class.  Conferences are this week and I am looking forward to a conversation of how we can continue to challenge Carolyn and what can be done at home to support her.  We are looking forward to expanded use of the Ipads as well as the year goes on.  We received Carolyn's STAR early literacy score today, 771.  775 is the cut-off between a "transitional" and "probable" reader.  A chart I found online puts her grade level at 1.8.  However, it appears that as the score approaches 900 (the top score), the test is less reliable because the child can read.  This is a pre-reading test and Carolyn is definitely reading.  I wonder if the district switches any of the kindergartners to the STAR reading test after this first round and it's proven the student can read.  We have been exploring poetry lately, to change things up a bit.  Carolyn is enjoying Shel Silverstein and Jack Perlutsky.  I am looking forward to some suggestions from her teacher as well, as it is difficult to find books that challenge her thinking/vocabulary yet have appropriate subject matters.  I was amazed when she read a poem recently that used the word "brigade" and I asked her if she knew what it meant and she said "army".  We can not figure out how she determined this because no one taught it to her.  Amazing that she is able to decode language this early! 

James continues to do an awesome job at home with me doing his preschool lessons.  We start each morning reading books in bed after putting Carolyn on the bus.  I love this snuggle time and I know James is getting some great things from it.  He had a rough start to the school year and some severe separation anxiety issues.  But we seem to have moved beyond this now and he is okay staying home with Jon's dad when I take Carolyn to gymnastics or volunteer in her classroom.  I am very glad that we canceled his soccer and very happy we did not enroll him in any preschool classes.  He is developing at his own pace and it's great to see his development.  He asks to do preschool several days a week, where we read Bible stories, books, trace/color letters and numbers, work on sequencing, counting, coloring, cutting, as well as do gross and fine motor activities.  We are using the ABC Jesus Loves Me 3 year old curriculum, supplemented with some other things, and it is going great.  We are currently on week 18.  Carolyn is also teaching James some of her Jolly phonics from school and he is learning some letter sounds.  He is able to trace very well when he focuses and can form nearly every letter by doing so.  He can identify J, O, C, B, Q, and probably some other letters as well.  Being 3, his biggest struggle is staying focused on the task at hand, but his concentration is pretty good considering his age. 

I sometimes sit back and think about how well my children are doing learning the basics and I wonder what sets them apart.  I never felt like I was doing anything special, just what a mom should do.  I usually put their needs before mine, and I will admit that I am sacrificing money/a career to help them get the best start possible.  We read countless books and my kids can often retell the stories because we read them so many times in one week before new books come home from the library.  I admittedly turn every day activities into learning - counting objects, describing why something happens, or asking my children to observe things around them.  Jon often reminds me that I choose the hard road.  And the main choice that I've made that makes things hard?  My children rarely watch TV or interact with technology.  They can effortlessly work an Ipad or Tablet, they love to play on Starfall or Reading Eggs.  But we put an emphasis on free play and getting outside.  Even on rainy days, they do not get more than 30 minutes of screen time.  Their imaginations are great and as they get bigger they are coming up with their own ideas of things to do.  My favorite recently is using blankets and furniture to create a hideout in Carolyn's bedroom under her desk.  I'm looking forward to what else they'll come up with this winter when I'm no longer forcing outdoor time in the afternoons because it'll be too cold.

Your kids will learn technology... if you make 2 choices to give them the best start they can have... play outside and read books.  The rest will write itself.

Mystery solved?

So I think I discovered the reason behind my crummy feeling weekend... being female!  I've been feeling a little better since I officially started a new cycle this afternoon.  But it does help me to make some sense of all of this, and likely blame the dizziness on that.  If the past is any proof, I'll feel better when I wake up tomorrow morning.  I discussed the exhaustion with my OBGYN previously and he was puzzled why it would come on before the actual start.  This could explain the huge weight change as well.

Had a good day as far as food is concerned today.  Definitely feel a lot fuller more easily.  So will probably start to eat less and hopefully begin losing in the next couple weeks.  Here's to hoping I'm now on the road to recovery!

Dinner Tonight
Ham
Frozen Peas and Carrots
Rice w/ butter and garlic powder

Very simple Sunday meal that takes a while to cook.  But looking forward SO much to the leftovers for lunch this week.  And later in the week we'll put the ham bone in the crockpot for a yummy soup.

Excited for tomorrow's dinner, something I've been meaning to make for a while.  Stay tuned!