Thankful for my Jobs, PARCC update

We had a quiet afternoon yesterday, since none of the neighborhood kids were around for a change.  I cooked pizzas while Carolyn drew at the table.  James joined her for a while and then drifted to the couch.  He looked exhausted, but it was a little strange that he just curled up on the couch under blankets without anything to do.  I had a feeling he was getting sick.  So when he woke up this morning still feeling crummy I didn't hesitate to take his temperature.  But at 98.3, there was no fever so I put him on the bus.  Around 11 I had finished enough of my work to go for a run.  Just over halfway my phone rang and it was the school nurse.  James' fever was 100.5 so I needed to pick him up.

As I made my way home I felt terrible that he had to wait an extra 20 minutes for me to get him.  He probably was feeling terrible and because I was out for a run he had to wait longer.  But I had figured he made it long enough that he wasn't coming home.  When I got there to bring him home, the nurse relayed their earlier conversation.  Since this was the first time James came home from school, the nurse asked if he thought I would be home.  To that he replied "my mom is always home."  The nurse chuckled and said she thought I might sneak out occasionally.  How ironic I was out for a run at that time.

I brought James home and tucked him into bed.  He watched tv for a while as I ate lunch.  He asked for his lunch but didn't eat it.  Once he fell asleep I snuck out of the room to finish my work for the day.  And this is why I am so thankful for my job.  I was able over the next 3 hours to juggle getting work done while caring for James.  He got to sleep in our bed, take a bath, and then lay on me without anyone being stressed.  There were no arrangements to make and he didn't feel like a burden.  He knew that once that fever appeared, I would be there.  As frustrated as I've been with the crazy hours I've been working (30 this week), the flexibility I have is unmatched.

I love the extra snuggle time I get to have with both kids.  I am so thankful that I can make extra income to help our family without having to sacrifice the level of care the kids receive.  So the next time I start to think about working outside of the home again, I just need to come back to this post.  I will remember that God led me to these positions for a reason.  And until the kids are old enough to not want extra snuggles when they are sick, this is where I need to be.

As an update to my earlier post about refusing the PARCC, I am happy to report that so far the school has been wonderful.  During the practice tests, Carolyn has been allowed to simply read a book.  We plan to visit the public library over spring break next week to ensure she has enough to read during the testing windows the week after break.  Once the letter was delivered I didn't even hear back from anyone at the school.  So looks like we will have no issues.

For those interested, I also updated my other blog tonight as well.

My Biggest Fear

Today we meet with the insurance adjuster.  About 5 hours from now we should have a slightly better idea of what happens from here.  If he shows up without any contractor or structural engineer, we may only know that the insurance is ready to roll up their sleeves with us and get us to where we need to be.  Yesterday when I visited the house I noticed a bunch of divots in the grass from when the tree fell.  When it fell it hadn't rained much, so the grass was not very soft.  Yet there are several places in the yard where one can tell the impact was great enough to compact the ground further.  They're not huge, but enough to give me pause.  I wonder just how great of force was applied to the front wall of our house as the trunk landed from its pivoted fall.  That's what the structural engineer will need to help us determine.

In all of this, I know that the house will get fixed and we will eventually get home.  I know that the kids will be okay once we get home and the stress leaves.  What I've started to be concerned about is my body.  It hasn't held up the best in the lat few years and I am concerned as to how long I can handle the exhaustion and wacky schedule before I hit burn out.  Yes, it's only been a week.  But before I didn't daily feel this exhausted and it took me an entire month of going to bed around 8, sleeping until 7, and often taking a nap before I felt human.  The food we're eating isn't what we're used to, James and I both woke with stomach aches this morning.  I woke up before 6 and tried to go back to sleep while feeling quite sick.  This past week I have woken up early and stayed up late being sure to keep on track with work.  Not only because I feel responsible for my team but because, right now, we truly do need the money.  We don't know what expenses are coming, and we do know we still have the loan for the roof to pay off.  This also happens to be the busiest month of the year as we get things started up again.  I can feel my body losing the great place it was in.  I'm now exhausted from when I wake up until I collapse into bed.  I struggle to keep my eyes open after lunch, staring at the computer to complete my work.  I have trouble thinking and often lost track of my thoughts mid-sentence.  The dizziness has returned a bit, although not quite to previous levels.  I know I'll make it through this, really I don't have much choice.  But I'm scared of how far off my body is going to fall and how long it will take to recover.  Adrenal fatigue is real and scary, and I don't want to face it again.  I was just getting to a great place with everything too.

Dear God, I need you to keep my body strong right now.  I need help to show my children patience as the days grow long.  I need help to continue to show my kids compassion for how this is effecting them.  I need help to keep going, because this becoming very hard.  I thank you for the blessing of no one being hurt in the accident.  And I thank you for this wonderful hotel to stay in as we sort things out.  I thank you for great neighbors and family and the support they are lending.  Help my spirit to be calm and remind my mind that all is well.

Here we go, on to find out what's going to be involved in this road to the recovery of our house.

Disappointment...

So after nearly a week (officially tomorrow @ lunch), I honestly expected more.  Today I've been exahusted, really wanted to nap when the kids were down.  Would have been a great day to do so too, since James slept 2.5 hours in his crib!  But I was working.  I worked out pretty diligently this week - Mon, Tues, Wed, and today did a crossfit workout.  Those are tough and heavy weights with a tiny bit of cardio due to the circuits built in.  Wed night I played 2 soccer games, sitting out only about 2 minutes.  Friday I shoveled snow for over an hour, so chose to skip working out.  Scraping the ice off the driveway was actually somewhat therapeutic.

Today I'm not as hungry.  Had a great breakfast of bacon and an omelet with cheese and green pepper.  For lunch I had chicken salad, monterey jack cheese, and carrots.  I'm still full from that almost 4 hours later.  So that's definitely a good thing.

I went to bed at 8, Jon says I was out at 8:15.  But I tossed and turned most of the night and have been up since 6 for the most part.  What gives here?  I thought sleep was supposed to improve.

I'm still having headaches.  They, of course, could be due to the weather and the crazy dryness that we're experiencing.  Luckily it's due to warm up a little and hopefully the snow melting will help with that some.  But headaches are a big reason I was doing this.  I'm still getting dizzy too.

I know, I really shouldn't expect miracles after a week.  But I was expecting to notice something positive.  I had big hopes when I got on the scale this morning.  I have plenty of weight to lose, probably 40lbs to be considered "normal" BMI.  Not that I consider BMI a good measure, especially considering that I know I am pretty strong (muscle) and have a large chest (34FF).  But I also have plenty of inches to lose all over and pounds to go with it.  Yet, I gained 5lbs from the last time I weighed.  I'm going to give this 4 weeks, so until Feb 12.  But I honestly have to say that if I don't start to notice some real benefits here, I don't know I can keep this up.  I took measurements today and recorded them on my computer, but I'm a little embarassed to share them.  So I'll simply report back on the changes I notice starting next week.  Although it was interesting to discover that my left thigh is 1" smaller than my right.  I'm sure there's some margin for error there, but that's a big difference.  Makes sense I suppose since I'm a righty.

Hoping to share better news next week!

Better sleep?

So if it's possible, James has started to sleep better.  I also turned down Carolyn's music, which I think is helping some.  But he slept last night 7-5:15 in his own bed, then with me until 6:45.  So can't complain much about that, although of course I'd like him in his own bed all night.  He's getting too big to comfortably sleep next to.  And he isn't happy just sleeping next to me - must be on me or touching me in some way.  I didn't sleep very well last night though.  I wonder if the potato salad was so high in carbs that it contributed.  I certainly was exhausted at 8 when I came to bed.

Last night's dinner wasn't so great... ready to eat chicken from Dominick's and potato salad.  All wheat free, but the chicken was a little greasy and the potato salad was clearly high carb.  We need to find alternatives for what to do when I'm sick of cooking though.  I've cut/mixed/cooked for every meal except that one since Sunday lunch, and it gets tiring/monotonous, even though I'm doing a lot of different things.  Hoping to get to either Trader Joe's or Joseph's Marketplace this week to pick up a bunch of almonds.  Then I can bake some muffins to have for breakfast some days or bread for easy lunches.  Planned some fairly easy meals for dinners this week that should produce some yummy leftovers. 

We have a low budget for everything, and that certainly includes eating out.  We budget $50/month for eating out.  For a family of 4, that doesn't go very far.  It was allowing us to get Papa John's nearly every week, since we would earn free pizzas after spending so much.  But I'm stumped on what to do now.  All other take out is so expensive, but I really do get tired of cooking.  So if any of you reading this have any ideas, let me know!

I'll be back in a little while with my starting stats for all of this.  But for now I'll just say I was disappointed to see the number on the scale this morning.  I'm hoping it's just my body adjusting, muscles filled with lactic acid, or cycle as a female.  I'm willing to give it 3 more weeks I suppose.  Still having quite a few headaches too, hoping they start to go away.