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Sunday, December 16, 2012

Sorting through the feelings

This weekend I've been sorting through my feelings, wondering a little while I feel so incredibly shaken by the school shooting on Friday.  Yeah, I'm part of the Columbine generation, but it had to be more than that.  I am bothered by other occurences - NIU, VT, the movie theatre in CO - but none of those stuck with me this much.  I think my issue with this is 2 fold.  First, the victims were mainly young, innocent children not much older than my own.  And second, an elementary school is supposed to be a safe zone.  You don't know if a crazy person will show up to a movie theatre, a grocery store, or a mall.  Universities and to some degree HSs aren't super safe places because of the clientele.  But elementary schools should be safe because those kids are mostly defenseless.  Little kids should feel safe going to school, a place parents should feel comfortable leaving their kids to grow and learn.  But that idea has been shattered here and I think that is what hits home the most.  I also don't want to see any of this politicized.  I want to see action - not political meandering and nothing really changes.  Provide more help to parents and families with children that are mentally unstable.  Increase gun laws to be sure there are accurate background checks, increase the cost of bullets, do something to make it harder for these people to get their hands on guns that can kill a building full of people in minutes.

And now I try to turn my mind away from all of this, to push the fear outside of my head and focus on my family.  I finished the bath tub letters for the kids today.  They are excited to play with the colorful letters and I wonder if Carolyn will try to spell any fun new words.  We tried to bake cookies today, but I believe my recipe was missing an ingredient and the cookies simply melted onto the pan.  A brief look made me realize that we probably needed an egg.  We'll move on the rice krispie treats for Tuesday though and have plenty of cookies to last until then.  We have our last day of gymnastics for a while tomorrow, so that should keep us busy.  As much as I'm looking forward to Christmas this year, part of me is looking forward to it being over and just relaxing.  I'm enjoying fires with the kids in the evenings, but I'm looking forward to the simplicity of every day life in this new house.  We have so much to explore and do.  Something seems to be missing from my holiday spirit this year - maybe it's the 45 degree weather and rain! 

Time to go spend quality time with Jon for a change.  This is going to be one crazy week between his meetings, my tutoring, and my soccer.  Can't wait until Friday night gets here and we have several days of family time with no interruptions!

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